“What's it like being a twin?”
I’ve thought about posting this blog for the longest time. Growing up as a twin is… unique. I grew up bitter and resentful towards it because of the questions I get by people asked soooo often. If you ever thought I was being rude or mean because you referred to me as a singular unit instead of, you know, an individual human, I hope you realize now that was the case. Yes, I am a twin, but no, that is not all that I am. There is an impact of your words and questions. No, this blog post is not for those of you who have asked me one question one specific time. This is for those of you who continually have asked me questions throughout the course of our relationship.
Going to separate colleges and now living in different cities and states as my sister has enabled me to find freedom and individuality that I have come to love. It is a challenge being away from my sister, but I can now fully embrace myself and come to know myself (and let others know me) as my own person. There is so much freedom, empowerment and confidence in being your own person. Is this what it is like not being a twin?
As an adult and being able to more closely examine why I get asked questions so often, I have come to realize that it’s just uncommon for folks to come across twins and once they do, they’re just teeming with unanswered questions. I get it now, I do. You’re just curious! That’s cool, be curious! I’m an interesting person! But remember: at the end of the day, I am only a human. Not a twin, not The Twins™, not “the smart one,” or “the girly one,” and definitely not my sister. I’m me. Please treat me as such.
Here’s a list of common questions I would get asked growing up. Interpret with any tone that seems appropriate.
Are you guys twins?
Yes.
Fraternal or identical?
Fraternal.
Are you SURE you’re fraternal?
I’ll ask the doctor present at my birth and my mother for the millionth time, but yes.
Who’s the smart one?
???? (This one is just rude.)
Who’s taller?
Why does it matter to you so much? Answer me that first.
Who wears pink and who wears blue?
I wear all colors. Colors have no gender.
OMG I wish I were a twin
A lot of people do and they tell me all the time.
Why didn’t you tell me?
You didn’t ask.
Do you guys ever fight?
Do you ever fight with your siblings?
What do you want to do in life/when you grow up/after college/[enter your own portion of the question]? Now what about your sister?
Do you care to ask me and genuinely get to know me, or do you just want to compare me with my sister, again?
Did you guys ever switch places? What about trick your family?
This one requires a video. Please refer to 00:22 in the video below. Notice how icons Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are completely nonchalant about the question. This is because tricking people and switching places is NOT A THING. Why are y’all so obsessed with twins switching places, causing mischief, and tricking others? I promise y’all we, twins who exist in this universe, don’t do that. There’s nothing biological about twins being tricksters. Don’t let the media fool you.
12. You got a haircut/dyed your hair? That’s how I’ll tell you apart!
As opposed to… actually getting to know me and the visual nuances? Thanks?
13. What’s it like being a twin?
I don’t know, what’s it like not being a twin? This is the only way I’ve ever lived, how would I know any different?
14. Do you like being a twin?
Of course! I just don’t like being seen as a twin and nothing else. Forget my own individual and unique dreams, aspirations, hopes, desires, goals, thoughts, opinions, etc.; as long as I’m a twin and fit into your ideal projection of one, right?
I’m still coming to terms with the fact that this is my life. I choose to accept it, yet I am no longer accepting the ways in which I am mistreated. All I ask if that I am treated with the respect you would grant to any other friend or family member who isn’t a twin. Also: this experience is not the same across all twins in the world, only to me and my own experience.
If at the end of reading this, your first impression when speaking with me again is “Haha, I read your blog! Are you a twin? 🤣🤣🤪 LOL!,” then you’ve completely missed the point of this. If that is the case, please refrain from sharing your “jokes.” I’m not interested.
Until next blog.
xoxo